Since its “Mental Health Week” I thought I would share another personal story with you all 🙂
From around the year 2005, I thought I had depression, I wasn’t cutting myself or anything but I would not leave the house, I remember every summer for the next 3 years, instead of going out to the beach with family or friends or even shopping I would stay inside, sounds like depression right?
A few years later, I started venturing out on journeys with friends but still had that nervousness inside me, worrying that something will go wrong or that I am going to be constantly judged. Even when I had people over, I was constantly asking them if they were having a good time and that everything was ok, which was probably fucking annoying (I know apologise for that)
Then in 2010 I went on a gap year, which made me go completely out of my comfort zone and became much more confident from that. I really made some incredible friends, who I think knew I had anxiety but being with them and doing the crazy things they did made me not think so much about it.
Then in 2012 after visiting my dr, he told me he wanted to prescribe me with anti depressants, he didnt give me a reason why, which is the first suss sign of how much of an ass he was, so I confronted my parents and asked them what they thought, they laughed! My mom said in her strong south african accent ” he is talking cuck” “there are absolute no signs of you being depressed”. So we left it it at that.
Then last year when I was going through the process of getting a lapband, one of the steps was to see a psychologist, at first I was very scared, I only thought crazy people saw psychologists and now I must be crazy seeing one, boy was I wrong. When I first met my psychologist, she made me feel safe and open to tell her anything, so I asked her bluntly if I had depression because my Dr told me I was. So she made me take a test and the result was that I wasn’t depressed but I did have general anxiety, which made me feel so much better, I knew I wasn’t depressed just anxious. Which explained sooooo much from the past few years of my life.
Now in 2014 I am still working on my anxiety, I joke around a lot about it, saying dramatically that I am going to have an anxiety attack (its those “you had to be there kind of jokes” and by trying to meditate, one of the things my psychologist suggested was mindful meditation, which honestly does help when I do it.
anyways thought I would share with you all, if you have any other ways of treating anxiety, let me know in the comments below 🙂